Posted on my diary.

The Amazon Forest is on fire! I am really scared and sad about it. It seems a lot of famous places in the World are on fire for no reason.

What's the scariest thing you've held? I've held a 7-foot boa live boa when I was nine, and those monkeys that have those huge orange eyes? I can't remember what they're called. It was very cute but bites hard.

I wish I could stop falling

Been subbed for awhile, his videos are good

Do you have an accent?

done with school for the day, how's your day going?

I won’t be on much, so here’s a short reason why:


I don’t what to do. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Scared of being alone. I feel something missing with my life considering nothing feels real anymore. Well, it never did. Never, ever did. Everyone seems like robots or fictional characters in my head. Like I’m making all of it up. Or I’m just watching a show from my lens. I can’t interact with people. It’s been this way for so long. I feel empty. I don’t even know if I’m breaking, or I’m missing something that was never there. I was feeling nothing for so long that when the feelings come in, I realize I messed up in my life and I can’t go back. And when I finally feel numb, I feel like I’m in a dream. I’m so paranoid I can’t tell anyone anywhere what’s going on because I feel like their going to take my information. Kill me with for all I know. I can’t wake up every morning. I struggle to get out of bed, so I stay in bed. The only time I go out of my bed is to get something to eat. Because of this, and being a vegetarian, my bones feel like there bending and cutting through my skin and it’s another reason I don’t want to move anymore. I just want to cry. I want to go to sleep and wake up somewhere warm. Somewhere real and not this illusion. I have this feeling no one I know is real. I can’t feel them. I look in the mirror and I don’t even think I’m real. My body is just an illusion. The only thing that was real was my grandmother and now she’s gone. I almost repeated last year because I felt like reality wasn’t real anymore. I’m not scared of going through things, I’m just scared of the thought of doing it. I don’t know if I’m stupid. That’s why life is so numb and unreal. I’m just an idiot that overthinks everything. I over think my religion. Like where do we go when we die? I’ve thought of it so much I think I have the solution. But why am I thinking of death when I have so many lonely years ahead of me. I’ve stopped my motivation to live. Get up in the morning, take a bath, brush my teeth, where it become painless. Sometimes I wish I had what the people in my mind had. Or what my version of myself is. In my head, I feel real and loved. In real life, I feel like an illusion wandering, watching people’s lives go on as I’m stuck in time. I’ve been locked up behind walls. I haven’t gone outside in three weeks. Not even to the grocery store. I don’t even remember the feeling I had when I was younger. Only that I’m lost now. Trying to find myself. When I grow up, I don’t know if I want to be a hopeless waiter or like my Dad says, the poorest and stupidest work at chicken houses. I have faith in myself. I found a little bit of it. I don’t know what to do with it. Ill figure it out. And maybe then ill figure out where its coming from so I can make more of it. But I still feel like something is missing. Like I KNOW that this year I’ll fall out of love with life like last year. Still something missing, I guess. My mom said if I get good grades then for high school, I can have friends or something like that. Maybe possibly go to regular school. Maybe then Ill find something good with my life. But for now, I’m just lost in time.

To sum it up there's a lot of stuff I need to deal with right now. I have a great life!