Me VS Bully
Me: Unless ur name is Google, quit acting like you know everything.

NOTE: ALL OF MY "ME VS BULLY" STUFF IS BASED COMPLETELY ON MEMES, BUT THEY ARE THINGS I HAVE ACTUALLY SAID

Me VS Teacher
Me: *talking with a friend while the teacher is talking*
Teacher: Ms. ******* (I ain't sharing my name), Why do I hear you talking?
Me: (gathering knowledge from memes) Cuz u have ears
Teacher: Detension

I'm not religious, but this was so amazing i had to put this:

Teacher: Can you see God
Class: No
Teacher: Can you touch God
Class: No
Teacher: Than there isn't a God
*Student raises their hand*
Student: Ma'am, Can you see your brain
Teacher: No
Student: Can you touch your brain
Teacher: No
Student: Oh ok, So you don't have a brain.

I heard some muttering this while they were stuffed in a locker:

"This'll help me understand my Pokemon's lives of confinement, thus allowing me to strengthen the important bond between Pokemon and trainer"

I stood there for like, almost ten minutes before walking away.

Me VS Bully (I DO NOT RECOMEND ACTUALLY DOING THIS, I GOT SUDSPENED A WHILE AGO WHEN THIS HAPPENED)

Bully: *being a dumb, stupid, bully*
Me: Quit being a bully *makes a fist with my hand out of anger*
Bully: Sticks and stones may break these bones, but words can never hurt me
Me *grabs a dictionary and throws it at the bully's face* OH REALLY? HOW'S THAT FOR WORDS NOT HURTING YOU?! *thinks: oh, I'm in trouble.* *runs*

When random people were trying to hit on me online: 6 things to say:

Him: Can I buy you a drink sometime?
Me: I'd rather have some money

Him: Will you go out with me this Sat.?
Me: Sry, Im having a headache this weekend

Him: Go on. Don't be shy. Ask me out.
Me: OK, Go out (and away)

Him: I think I could make you very happy
Me: Why? R u leaving?

Him: Where have you been all your life
Me: Hiding from you

Him: Haven't I seen ur username (random site name I recognize) before?
Me: Maybe, that's probably why I don't go there anymore

Me VS Bully
Bully: *insults me a lot*
Me: If you waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch, it's gonna be awhile.

Me VS Bully
Bully to me: You dumb rich loser
Me: *puts $20 (like, all my money right there) into the Bully's hand* Go buy yourself some better insults.

Me VS Cyber-Bully
Me: Oh, so your going to bully me on the internet? What's the worst you can do? Locks cap me to death?
Ten other people in the same chat room: XD. LOL. PFFT. OOOOOH! HAHA.